Wanna Make A Video?

This is the grand prize; a Fedora branded Sony camcorder.

Guess Who's Going Where?

July is going to be an awesome time to travel!

Ka-Boom

George

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...walked home...and left it there all night.

You gotta love George.

Fancy A Shag?

Right! The up & down footie action on the pitch hasn't excited the masses. Brothel sales are down in Germany and end of season sales are fast upon us.

Anyone know when the ladies get to play soccer on the world stage? Although I'm not exactly sure Playboy is a country if you notice their national flag on the uni.

Their football, out soccer -- or their soccer, our football -- for you ESPN fans.

Returning From The Big "O"

Things are looking good here!

My Plumeria Are Blooming

7 come 11

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Texas arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollarson a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

Moral ---

Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men..... are men.

I Need This Bumper Sticker

6/6/06

Yeah, I know....three numbers that don't mean a thing in the grand scheme of things....that's not why I'm writing today. I'm sure you can read about the anti-christ, number of the beast, demon, devilish satan number elsewhere.

Witchcraft though is a different story. Harry "Hef" Potter made it famous, now he's starting to branch off into his own arena with Playwizard and Penthausen magazines. Here, you see Mr. Potter conjuring up yet another model while his young counterpart looks on.

I can't wait for Hairy Potter IV "Half-Blood Hard-Body Princess" to come out on DVD. I'm guessing Ron Jeremy will be playing Rubeus Hagrid and Janine Lindemulder plays Hermione.

Boobs & Beer are Back: It's June!

Is is just me, or does it appear that Nancy Reagan is holding a Heineken?

April - in like a lion, out like a lamb.
June - in with the boobies, washed down with a beer.

FIFA's World Cup is Almost Here

I have next to zero interest in soccer or football, depending on which continent you live on. It's not that I don't like the sport, it's fun to play. But there are just items that I've never learned and that keeps me from enjoying the game.

First, why is there not a posted clock? Is it a huge secret that time is relative? And then "stoppage time"? What gives with that? How about stopping the clock when you need too and have a 4th official on the field run the clock but show everyone the time.

Next thing is the whole yellow & red card system. Yes, I know that they're fouls but with only one referee on the field, that's a lot of people to watch for one man. Get a couple of more out there and give a pink card with light blue dots for anyone seen faking a dive. Make the fakers have to stand still with their shirt tails pulled over their heads and their shorts around their ankles. It's hard to take some of these guys seriously when you see them dive, grab their ankle like it has just shattered into 100 pieces and when the ref doesn't call the foul, they hop up and sprint off after the ball. This ties in with the stoppage time -- is it arbitrary or is there a 30 second adder per "real" foul?

The whole offense & defense schemes are a little subtle but I think I can recognize them when I see them on TV. The problem is that when a camera is showing one or two folks battling for the ball or dribbling through traffic or ...whatever... you don't see the other 18 players to see what the big picture is. After a while you get kind of numb watching what appears to be 1-on-1 matches with a dead sprint for the goal occasionally breaking out.

There are things about the game I do like. Am I wrong here?

[editors note: I think I know how the organizers of FIFA might get me and others more interested in soccer - not safe for work - but I'm not sure this is the true brackets of the countries.]

Ride 'Em Cowboy!

A Cowboy and his wife had just been married and went to a hotel for their honeymoon.

The man went to the front desk and asked for a room. He said, "This here is a very special 'casion... our wedding night, and we need a good room with a strong bed."

The clerk winked and asked, "Do you want the Bridal?"

The Cowboy thought about it a while and then replied, "No, I guess not, I'll just hold on to her ears until she gets used to it."

Shocker!

Women run up higher cellphone bills than men. Isn't that a stunning revelation? It's as if they talk more on the phone. Shocker!

Where Have I Been?

Great question. Busy.

Not too busy to blog mind you.

But busy enough that I just didn't feel like blogging.

However, I'm about 2 hours away from having Samba, Named, Vsftp, SMTP, POP, iFolders and a slew of other things up and running at the house.

Soon, I'll be migrating from Blogger (____.blogspot.com) to something home grown.

It's been a frustrating learning experience, but a learning experience none the less.

Bear with me, I will be back soon with more normal updates.

p.s. An oddity that has alway perplexed me: When running spellcheck from withing Blogger, the word "blog" is always found as a misspelling as is "Blogger". Hmmmm.....you'd think they'd add them to the dictionaries that they control.

The Tides Have Changed

Call it "Bachelorettes Gone Wild." While grooms are tempering their stag night shenanigans, brides-to-be are kicking stuffy traditions to the curb and getting rowdy to celebrate the end of their single lives.

Fox News called it, so it must be true. I'm all for it, myself but I did learn something new. Okay, new to me, and that's the Clothed Female Naked Male (CFNM) phenominum. Apparently there is a niche market out there for it. Don't believe me? I can't go there 'cause I'm at work, but here's the Google search results if you dare (hoping that I keyed it in correctly too). Don't say I didn't warn you either.

On the other hand, in just a few short weeks, you'll be able to go to Froogle and order "Dudes Gone Mild" for yourself. It's a 4 disk DVD box set featuring 'Watching Guys Watch Paint Dry' and 'Dudes Watching Golf -- all 54 Holes!' and many, many more riveting hours of guys being boring, lame and [gasp] prudish. Depending on how successful that DVD release is, there might be a 2nd release with clips of grass growing and shifting sand.